Six weeks ago the big issue was that I wasn’t rough enough. Now, it seems, there’s cause for concern that I will commit a sexual assault.
I’m not going to debate either of these points.
While I’m reasonably confident that I won’t be raping anyone in the foreseeable future, someone else obviously drew a different conclusion from her interactions with me. I suppose what troubles me most about the whole thing is that I had assumed she had a pretty good handle on the type of person I am—or, perhaps, may be.
This may still be the case, and just because I really want her to be wrong on this particular point doesn’t necessarily mean she is.
It would be extremely easy for me to simply dismiss her concerns as totally unfounded. It’s true that when she got this vibe from me I was sketching out on 5-MeO-DiPT and drinking very heavily in an attempt to compensate for that. But she was also on MDMA. And unless she’s leaving something out about that evening that I don’t recall, it sounds as though I didn’t actually do anything.
Regardless, perhaps the most important question I have asked myself about this whole ordeal is what I would have told this friend of mine to do if she had expressed these same concerns about someone else. Someone I didn’t know at all.
I almost definitely would have advised her to stay the fuck away from that creep. In fact, it’s still my advice to her.
But all of that is beside the point. It seems I have a problem, and although my psychiatrist isn’t exactly on board with this idea, I also have a solution.
While that may seem extreme, I believe it’s something to which I can look forward. Essentially, it should modify my perception of the world in a manner not wholly dissimilar to any of the previously mentioned substances.
OK. It’s radically different from a pharmacological standpoint. But ideologically it’s exactly the same thing. It would almost be hypocritical of me not to pursue it.
I suppose what I am hoping for is an experience like George Costanza had when his brain ceased dwelling on sex. I’ve likely been misinformed, but with DMPA this seems like a legitimate possibility.
At this point, I don’t really see a downside to getting medical advice from Must See TV.
HR Lincoln 
Is there ever really a mid ground? If there was I would suggest the secrets of this mid-ground lay with Hugh Grant and his various fictional, and not so fictional personas. In the space of a decade he was somewhere between and obvious virgin and a jail-bound adulterer. Yet, in the middle, he manages to remain a lovable, awkward English man.
I am not suggesting you embark on a Hugh Grant movie marathon, but perhaps you could watch Enter the Void, or Requiem for a dream or both and then without getting up or giving yourself a distraction – watch Notting Hill and then Immediately after that, About a Boy
I’m hoping the first two movies will distill your idea that you have a problem into something slightly more pure. I mean whats the difference between getting medical advice from TV, and getting perspective from TV? The Hugh Grant movies I feel will balance the possibilities from the former two movies. In conjunction with some basic knowledge about Mr Grants misadventures, you can probably see his character emerging from Enter the Void or Requiem for a Dream and settling into some sort of fabricated, situational normalcy that neither you or I are ever going to encounter. Finally, About a Boy wraps this up with something that is highly realistic. The reality is, we all have our problems and strange occurances and ultimately, things work out…if only in a highly dysfunctional manner. Your catalyst might be the fear expressed by someone about assault. Hugh Grants was trying to pick up desperate women at a single parents group. There are some fundamental differences here, but there are some very real similarities as well.