I used to hate Cineplex’s pre-screening advertainment feature, until I realized I was its exact target audience.

Like all advertising, I’m pretty sure it’s designed to make people feel better about themselves. I spent many hours waiting for films to start while thinking, “Man, what kind of hopeless losers would actually enjoy this shit?” When I finally answered that question honestly, I had to concede it was probably the kind of hopeless loser who feels the need to constantly criticize advertising disguised as journalism by putting thoughts into quotation marks.

It was at this juncture that I came to one of my many inconsequential epiphanies. No matter how hopeless a loser I may be, I can still be a wildly-successful belligerent smartass. There’s probably more to be said about this, but for now, I am content to enjoy the serenity of this self awareness.

Thank you, advertisers, for shamelessly berating me along the road of self discovery.